Living with IBD can be very challenging, especially when you’re having a flare. From physical pain, fevers, decreased appetite, and exhaustion, chronic illness can take its toll. Many IBD patients experience social isolation, depression, and decreased quality of life when disease is active. Speaking from personal experience, this rollercoaster of emotions associated with active disease feels overwhelmingly devastating. It’s easy to feel alone, and like your illness interrupts your life. This topic is close to my heart as I have cried countless tears, and spent many days in bed because of my IBD. I felt that my illness defined me, and prevented me from living a normal life. However, I have been very blessed to receive unconditional love and support from my parents and husband. Without this, I don’t know where I would be. This is why I want to share with you five things you can do to support those with IBD.
- Empathetically listen. This is huge! Knowing you can have someone to confide in, that actually listens is a must. When listening, remember to let them know they are being heard, and try to put yourself in their place. While you will not fully understand, unless you have experienced it yourself, just knowing that their concerns or fears are valid is a big step towards healing.
- Don’t compare! As IBD patients we get all sorts of ‘advice’ on our disposition. Things like, “use peppermint”, or “they are just stomach cramps, don’t be dramatic” are not helpful. In fact, they are hurtful. This is because you are comparing an incurable chronic illness to some minor intestinal upset you may have experienced; I assure you these are not the same. You can still listen empathetically without making comparisons.
- Just be there. Many of us with IBD may suddenly cancel plans. It’s not because we are mad at you, antisocial, or lazy. Sometimes symptoms can seemingly appear out of nowhere and there is nothing we can do about it. Please do not guilt trip someone with IBD for canceling plans. Chances are we wanted to be there just as bad as you did. Just showing up and sitting with them can make a huge difference. Watch their favorite movie, play a board game, or simply just sit. Knowing that someone cares enough to come check on you when you’re chronically ill is some of the best medicine you can give!
- Be encouraging! “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.” -Mother Teresa. Many times, an encouraging word can lift our spirits, and help us see things in a different light. Now I’m not talking about just saying ‘everything will be okay.’ Try to offer kind words that let us know it may be tough right now, but we can get through it together and will have better days ahead. I guarantee we will not only remember those kind words on our rough days, but they will get us through those days.
- Offer support and help anyway you can. Whether it’s bringing over some soup, helping with house chores, or picking up medicine, many ‘normal’ daily activities get put on hold when we have a flare. Knowing we have someone in our corner to help with those daily activities can be a huge relief. This genuinely gives us time to rest and heal without worrying about errands, cooking, cleaning, or whatever else we normally take care of.
While these five ways to offer support may seem simple, they will make all the difference in an IBD patient’s world. Knowing you don’t have to fight chronic illness alone can bring a big wave of relief. Not only physically, but spiritually, and mentally as well. Having someone that cares enough to do even one of these five things can bring so much peace and healing. I encourage you to use these techniques, next time you talk to a friend or family member who has IBD and see how it positively impacts not only their life, but yours too.
Want to see where I got the Mother Teresa quote? Click HERE!
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