With Thanksgiving coming up, I wanted to take the opportunity to address the often-uncomfortable topic of family members who aren’t supportive. Thanksgiving reminds us to be grateful for what we have, and that includes family who are less than supportive in our health journey or otherwise.
Thanksgiving means being grateful, but it also probably includes seeing extended family, and being surrounded by lots of food you can’t have on the SCD diet. Maybe not everyone will understand your new diet or be supportive, but that’s okay! You don’t have to answer to anyone about what you eat except you and your food journal. Don’t let others’ judgments bring you down when you are striving to be better. If your family isn’t making things you can eat, bring your own plate! There is always a way to properly take care of you!
That being said, more than likely in the conversing of the holiday, a family member you don’t always see eye to eye may say something that frustrates or infuriates you whether they mean to or not. And let me tell you, when you’ve had a few glasses of wine after the big meal, it’s easy to give into this temptation of anger. However, if we take a moment to pause, collect ourselves, and let the other person hear us from our place of need in an honest fashion, we are more likely to have a favorable outcome. This intern reduces stress, and is essentially the basis for the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. Get your copy HERE:
I highly recommend this book for any area of your life where intense emotion occurs when thinking or speaking about said topic. I will say, I have been very blessed to receive lots of love and support on my health journey from my family, but I wanted to make this post, as I know not everyone is so lucky.
One of the most powerful things I have learned through the book is that emotion is temporary and fluid. It will move one way or the other, and while it’s moving, we can learn to not let it take hold of us. When free from the emotion of the subject, we can convey what we want to say in a nonviolent way, and more times than not leave the conversation peacefully.
There are four basic steps to nonviolent communication. First, we observe in a nonjudgmental way. Then, we simply identify the emotions we are feeling. Third, we need to identify the need trying to be expressed that is not being met. Finally, request a specific action from the other that would better meet our needs. Here’s a visual of the steps taken from the book Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD.:
One of the best things we can do for our wellbeing while living with IBD is to control stress. Whether that stress is from inside us or around us, these four steps will help you sort out what you’re feeling, why, and what request would meet our missing needs. I hope this helps you as much as it has helped me! Happy Thanksgiving!
Note: * This is NOT an affiliate post. I do not receive anything for promoting or recommending this book. *